schlafen
by dawn in the fields
Summary: I just came here to say to you...


Disclaimer: I was searching through a box in my room today, and I found a receipt that said I'd bought "Kingdom Hearts". And then I realized it was jst a receipt from EB games for when I got a copy of the game. oh, and I don't own 'by your side' by TH, as pretty as it is.  
Music: An deiner Seite, Tokio Hotel/Hurry Xmas, L'arc-en-Ciel  
Dedication: Mainly for Celisse (Kinomi Akai), but this is totally, completely for _everyone_. (: Merry Christmas, okay? I'll try my best to get the chapters of Throughout the Years and Sakuline done and up on time. -bows-

* * *

"I'll leave if you want me to."

Riku's sentence breaks the uncomfortable silence between the two, and for a small (very small, almost unnoticed) moment Sora doesn't know what to say.

"No, don't," he manages to force out. "I don't mind." There are so many words Sora wants to say, but can't. Shouldn't. Wouldn't.

_Don't go. You belong here. I trust you. I missed you. I'll miss you._

_I love you so much it hurts to be near you._

There' not much either of them can say. Any words they might've wanted to (or should've) said have already been said before, it's what happens when you're friends for this long.

Or when you want to avoid yet another falling out. Anything too dangerous, too out there, and what's left of their fragile friendship might just _break_. It's transcended just plain awkward, their situation. They feel uncomfortable near each other, yet neither can bear to let the other go.

Riku hesitates, just about to get up. He relaxes, though, settling back into the silence like he's always been there. Maybe he always has been.

"Alright," he says in a near whisper with just a _hint_ of a voice in it. He doesn't dare break the silence with normal tones at the moment. "Just for a little longer," he promises.

Riku always makes good on his promises, Sora thinks fuzzily, somewhere in his mind. But that thought is soon lost and he doesn't bother elaborating on it.

Sora remembers. He remembers those times when he'd call Riku up, longing for human contact and after a while of talking, they'd lapse into comfortable silence. Sometimes, just sometimes, Sora would break the elongated pause with the classic, "So...what's your favourite colour?" and they'd both laugh, because it's something they both know about each other all too well. In fact, it's the first thing they ever knew about each other aside from names.

If Sora remembers correctly, it's the first thing he asked Riku after they introduced themselves.

"I should leave, you know," Riku states calmly, a little louder than before. "I shouldn't be here," he adds, as unruffled as if he was talking about the weather. It's downright scary.

"Maybe you should," Sora half-agrees, doing some odd gesture that's like shaking his head no and nodding it yes at the same time. "But you won't, will you?"

Riku sighs. "You're right, I won't. You know why I won't, right?" he asks half-rhetorically, peering up at Sora through his bands in a mockery of innocence.

"Yes," Sora says calmly. "I believe I do." He surprises him self with the formality, normally Sora isn't like this. Normally, he's as up close and personal as it gets. Everyone's a friend to him, and nobody's a stranger.

"Tell me, then," Riku challenges. It's a far cry from the contests they had when they were younger, when the stakes were Paopu fruits and the outcome mattered on how fast you could run.

Of course, they were children back then. Now they're not. They've been forced to grow up, too quickly. Much too quickly.

"Why should I?" Sora shoots right back, in an uncharacteristic display of...non-Soraness. He usually isn't like this, he swears mentally to anyone who might be watching. Really.

"If you don't, I'll leave," Riku threatens, without even a hint of malice. He's playing off the emotions in Sora's _heart_ and taking a gamble that they're feelings in his favour. "I'll go right now," he reiterates, standing up and starting to walk towards the exit. "I mean," he throws over his shoulder, "apparently there's nothing stopping me. Since _you won't tell me_," he adds scathingly. It has the effect he wants—Sora's shoulders sag and the brunet sighs, resigned.

"Just...because. We'd miss you, you know? All of us, everyone. Too much to tell." He vaguely thinks that he'd like to cry right now. "You be breaking everyone's hearts if you left. My heart. Their hearts." He stops his spiel after seeing Riku emphatically shaking his head.

"No, you're wrong. You're wrong," Riku repeats. "No-one would miss me. _Just you_," he adds in, after seeing Sora open his mouth. The brunet shuts it, silently letting Riku go on. "Can't you see? I'm not wanted here. Nobody really _truly_ likes me, Sora. They just pretend to. _For you_. You're that loved. You shouldn't be seen with me," he adds fiercely. It's the most emotional he's gotten in a while, as of late it feels like the islands have been draining away his feelings bit by bit. "I should go," he repeats emotionlessly.

Sora shakes his head slowly. "No. No, you shouldn't," he says weakly. "You shouldn't," he states again, voice getting stronger. Resolve getting stronger.

"Whyever not?" Riku sneers. "I just told you, there's nothing left for me at all. Nothing whatsoever."

"What, I'm not enough?" Sora shoots back with all the intensity of a falling star. His voice is getting louder, completely shattering the fragile silence, the delicate truce they'd had. "Am I not enough for you, Riku?"

Riku breaks at this moment. Maybe it's just his heart that does, or just his sanity. He shakes his head and refuses to meet Sora's eyes, because he knows that if he does, Sora will be able to see _everything_. Because Riku's eyes _don't lie_, they just don't and he hates them for it because he's got no way out of this situation and it _hurts_.

"No, you're too much," Riku murmurs. "Just too much for me," he says softly. Quietly. Almost feather-like.

Sora glares. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he spits, trying to get Riku to look up at him. It bugs him, not being able to see he friend's eyes—they let him see into Riku's soul.

It gets the reaction he wants. Riku whips his head up, glowering back at Sora like there's no tomorrow. "It means what it means," he retorts harshly. His eyes are a lovely nice mix of hurt and anger and sorrow and something else that Sora can't identify but is _so _familiar with, a part of his mind notes. "I _mean_ that it hurts to be near you, it hurts _too fucking much_ to see you everyday because I'm goddamn _in love_ with you and _you_ are much to dense to notice it unless it slapped you in the face!" he yells. And then he turns on his heel and marches towards the door.

"Oh, _no_ _you don't_," Sora says dangerously. "Don't you _dare_ leave on me again. I am not letting you do that to me. To us. Stop, _right now_." Sora thinks that he'll even resort to using Stop if he has to, but luckily enough Riku doesn't go any further. Just waits, listening. Hanging onto every word—he's always been like that, Sora realizes.

"What is it?" Riku asks. He sounds tired, and Sora notes that he's probably emotionally drained. "Just get it over with," he says quietly.

"You," Sora states firmly, "Have got it all wrong." He quells the urge to point at the other with an accusing finger. "You call _me_ dense? What a hypocrite. Can't you _see_ that everyone's worried sick about you?" Riku looks more and more deflated with every word, and Sora goes on. "We _all_ care for you. And don't you _dare_ think otherwise."

Riku sighs. He gives up, mentally. And maybe that's all he'll ever do.

"Alright." _I'll give it a try_.

And Sora grins that blindingly happy grin. Riku smiles too, but it's small and not very noticeable.

"Now, just leave me alone. I'm tired, alright?" Riku says slowly. He fights the instinct to yawn. Sora smiles gently.

"Alright. You sleep, then. I'll be here when you wake up. Okay?" Riku nods, and his eyes close slowly.

"Good night."

And Sora does not question Riku's choice of words. He just lets him sleep, for he decides that Riku desperately needs the rest.

* * *

Hay guyz, I r wrote soriku for like the first time in for_ever. _;D It's a little 'asdfghjkl;whut?' because I wrote it at some point between 1:30-3:30 in the morning. Today. -dies- I apologize for the raping of italics that went on. Music taste jumped around a lot, to be honest. I went from TH to L'arc to HYDE to the Persona 3 OST on account that the rest were too _loud_ (and that was with shit earphones and the volume as loud as it could go...) and then I finally shut it off near finishing the end. I stuck with An deiner Seite for music, though because it's where th idea came from. but it kinda got warped in the process. as does everything else I write.

does anyone else get the feeling that Riku could've been a frickin' ghost or something? Y'know, that's totally what I thought after I finished. Riku's a ghost that's sticking around because he loved Sora when he was alive, and scheisse like that. -nods- And then he finally gets to move on in the end. Or maybe it's just the normal "oh-I-r-so-emoez-" thing from Riku. It's mainly up to you. ;D

I realized the other day that I can't write romance for shit. I mean like, the kissy-kissy fluffy romance. I suck at it. Just pure suck at it. I'll try and work on that, promise. Oh, and I apologize for the change in writing style. It just happened, I guess. And I kinda got sick of the everyone-kills-themselves-off-for-no-good-reason scheisse. ;D

title means 'to sleep'. it's german, as usual. C: oh, and the 'good night' bit at the end was inspired on a whim by .hack//UDETSU. At the end, where Zefie's all 'Good night' to the AIs in the net slum. Lycoris in particular. ;D

Merry christmas, happy holidays, etc. C:

-namikun


End file.
